Real life confession: I have never broken up with anybody ever. Don’t get me wrong; it’s not that I didn’t want that vindicating moment with some of these “winners.” It’s just that they always got to me first!
One gentleman suitor took me to a bar for a date. We were both under 21, so I don’t know how I imagined this date going down differently. His friend passed me back her fake ID and we got into the bar. Phew! One look around the bar, which was filled with gray-haired handlebar mustachioed men, it was clear we had no place there. Two minutes later a “Paddy Wagon” pulled up outside and we all had to run through the kitchen to evade the cops.
My fella made a run for it and did not even bother to look back for me. That is where I should have broken up with him. I waited too long and heard through the grapevine he was dating somebody else. Awesome!
Another great anti-breakup tale happened right before summer vacation my sophomore year of college. If a guy ever tells you to take a hiatus and pick back up when school starts, it is not a good thing. That’s when I should’ve pulled the plug. Instead, after I hadn’t heard from him all summer and was expecting this big reunion, he sent me an IM (Oh yeah, you remember AIM) using a vague Quentin Tarantino film line to break up with me. Then put up an away message and stopped responding.
I have also been broken up with because I was too preppy, too stalkery, too old, too young. Once I had to work a whole summer with an ex and his new girlfriend. That sucked!
Please don’t feel bad for me. I am happily married and even though the moments stung at the time, I can look back and laugh. Not that awkward, nervous laugh either, the full belly laugh kind of laugh!
Now I’m going to get all mushy on you… Without all those stinging experiences, I wouldn’t have the sweet life I have now! Wait! It’s just like this recipe! Just when you think it is too painful from the spice, the sweet mango comes to the rescue! Awww! (Barf!)
Ingredients (Serves 4 as an appetizer 6-8 as a topping)
2 Cups Mango, cubed (about 2 mangos)
¼ Cup Red Onion, diced
1 Red Jalapeno, seeded and diced
1 Serrano Pepper, minced
1 Teaspoon Fresh Cilantro, chopped
1 Teaspoon Chili Garlic Sauce (if you don’t have chili garlic sauce, substitute a pinch of crushed red pepper flakes and one clove of garlic, grated)
1 Tablespoon Fish Sauce
1 Teaspoon Honey
1 Teaspoon Low-Sodium Soy Sauce
Juice of 1 Lime
1 Teaspoon Lime Zest
½ Teaspoon Pepper
1 Tablespoon Olive Oil
Let’s start with how to cut a mango into cubes. Mangos have a very large, flat seed, so they cannot be sliced through the center. A mango has two opposing flat sides. Place the mango with one flat side resting on the cutting board. Slice the mango lengthwise along the flat side next to the seed. Turn mango over and repeat on the other side.
Carefully cut a cross-hatch pattern through the mango pulp down to the skin, being careful not to cut through the skin. Then pick up the cross-cut mango half and place your thumbs gently on either side of the mango skin. Place your fingers underneath the center and gently push upwards with your fingers while pressing down with your thumbs, pressing the cubed pieces of mango to the outside.
Then use a small paring knife to carefully cut off each cube of mango. Do the same with the other half.
Combine the cubed mango with the red onion, red jalapeno, and the serrano pepper.
Now, let’s get started on the sauce. Add the cilantro, chili garlic sauce, fish sauce, honey, soy sauce, lime zest, lime juice, pepper, and olive oil to a small mixing bowl. Whisk to evenly combine the sauce. Pour the sauce over the mango salsa and mix.
Enjoy on some tortilla chips or on top of some spicy chicken or fish tacos.
Salsa will last for two days in the refrigerator in an air-tight container.